A fine mess of contradictions

Shopaholic

Sigh, spring fashions from style.com.


Big news: I am going to give up shopping. Yes. Who am I and where has Kate gone? But today as I was thinking of all the things I was looking forward to buying on my next shopping trip I realized that I waste a lot of my life consuming things that I don't need, that don't make my life any better and that don't make me any happier. I think for the past few years buying something new seemed to be the key to "being better". I seemed to just keep buying things in hopes that that one final purchase would make my life complete and stylish. But funnily enough I actually think the more I shop the less stylish I get. Like the more stuff I have the more random my wardrobe becomes and I've realized that half the crap I buy I never wear or I buy it for a life I no longer lead.

I've come to the realization that my overconsumption is really adding to my stress levels. Every time I swipe my credit card (sweet, sweet credit card) I have a mini-panic attack thinking that it won't go through, or that I'm going to have to sneak the bags past my loved ones so they won't judge my habit.

My closets are overflowing, as I've realized that I own at least 10 dresses I've never worn, about five pairs of shoes I've worn once and decided I hate, and drawers of fun jewelry that I now think is too tacky to wear. It's great for costumes- I have an endless supply- but for everyday life my excessiveness is actually bogging me down. For anyone who has ever helped me move, they will know, I am a heavy traveller. I once missed meeting a cute boy because I was checking out January sales, use my food money on purses and have even put myself into debt for the sake of style. At the moment I am kind of working in the business of consumption- fashion magazines sell endless amounts of things- and it will be harder than ever to do this but it's necessary even for a little while. Most people live on nothing, without basic necessities and though me not consuming won't give them any more I think there are better ways to spend my money and energy and they could include donations instead of more fabric crammed into my drawers.

So I'm trying to be realistic but practical. I can't stop buying food- obviously- and my new insane health issues have led me to become a crazy organic food store shopper. (It's me in leopard print among hemp-sack-wearing customers buying vegan quinoa cookies which are actually amazingly good!) So I must buy nutritious items or I will die, and I am allowed to buy products that I already own, use daily and need to be replaced- this includes face wash, moisturizer, etc.

But basically, I'm not allowed new things- I considered bending this rule for vintage but it's hard to say. They are old things but still, I don't really need anything. Literally. Nothing. That is what travelling taught me that my stasis in Canada has helped me forget- you need very little to survive so I need to cut out my excessiveness. I was happier with less.

I tried to "quit shopping" in third year for Lent. I lasted three weeks until I had a bad day and ended up at the mall for some retail therapy so I think I'll need a sponsor for this.

I'm going to try to make it until August- fall fashions come out in August so I can't just ignore them. But I will try to wear the clothes I already have until then (shocking development) and make a list of the five things I really want for fall and then invest in those. Instead of accumulating bags and bags of clothes that I really don't need.

God, I'm so self-improving I'm annoying myself. I actually think I'm becoming more hippie-like every day. If anyone's looking, you can find me going not-shopping and eating vegan food- oh and dancing somewhere, sober. Sigggh. I'm going to fall off the wagon, hard.

posted by Kate @ 7:28 PM