A fine mess of contradictions

My love for Eddie...

Words cannot even express how I feel about Eddie Vedder. I don't research him, I don't really look up the band's website. I'm not one of those fans. I just memorize the words to every single one of the songs he sings and feel happy. Or sad. Or whatever emotion he brings out in me that day. Sometimes it's anger. Mostly a happiness. I can probably play every song in my mind but I couldn't tell you their bio. I don't even know if he writes all the songs himself. I really hope so. Because there is something about his voice that just grips me in every way.

Pearl Jam has been there for me through the thick and the thin, through the bad and the good, to speak in pure cliches.

I've listened to their music through breakups, in emotional moments, when I was running along the Grand Canal in Dublin, on a bus in Ghana, all since my older sister first introduced me and it was instant. There is something about his voice.

I just love them. I saw Pearl Jam in concert and it was one of the happiest moments ever- mind you I had drank a lot- and I was so far away I could barely see Eddie, but just the fact that he was there made me happy. He has a beautiful soul. There is something so serene about him. If I look at Pearl Jam's photos I don't find Eddie incredibly attractive necessarily but there is just something so enthralling about him. Like there is a spirit running through him as he drinks red wine onstage. Like he would be my husband in another life where he wasn't a million miles away from the life I lead and I wasn't the anal retentive stresscase I am. You know?

I have taken to listening to Pearl Jam almost every day. When you're drinking a bottle of wine there is no one better. Seriously. And I'm not obsessed with them in some Beatlemania kind of way like I want Paul McCartney to take me on a date, I just love him from afar for his art.

But I feel like usually I watch musicians and they make me feel a bit awkward, like they are trying way too hard to fit into some random bad boy or lame-ass teen boy image. But not Eddie. He just jams. And I like that. And I don't think musicians are my type either, they seem entirely too emotional. But he does it for me. He is someone that could transform my life in an amazingly positive way.


I once said I wouldn't marry anyone unless they could play Yellow Ledbetter and I think I just might stick to that. It's a sign I think.

posted by Kate @ 5:08 PM